Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I Cannot Sleep

Dear readers, (if there are any left still out there)

I am confused, cold, afraid, troubled, conflicted, worrying.

Words from a friend which I weigh heavily when hearing opinions has completely knocked me off balance.

I only obtained some good news this morning (technically last night) but now I'm feeling compeltely distressed instead. I don't know what to do. I don't want to step into the wrong path, not even one step. I don't want to waste time. I need counsel. I don't have much time to make this decision. ARGH!

I just want to yell out REALLY LOUDLY or play my violin with huge pressure on the bow and just grind it, but alas, it's late at night and everyone is sound asleep.

Reality check:

* CFA exam in 4 days, fudge.
* I have to contact some ppl tmr, argh.
* It is currently way too cold, i'm gonna get frostbite...?
* This decision is due in 6 days

Sorry yet another negative post, many people in my position would be overjoyed, wtf is wrong with me? WHY AM I FEELING SO confused and lost?

I wanted to reach for the stars and one day touch them. Right now I'm stuck between decisions that I don't know where they will lead to. I'm afraid that I will have wasted more time and need to take yet another detour to ultimately reach my goal. Why is it taking so long? Why am I not being successful on the first try? I am over-achieving, I stand out, I strive to work hard, is this the stupid thing called fate? Throughout the last few months I've come to realise some of these ordeals are related to elements of "fate" but I still refuse to admit I'm a weakling. Why am I only getting the same amount of recognition when I clearly have done more in the past? Where's my reward for that? Surely I may be asking for too much.

Save me... another friend's suggestion isn't working... I can't meditate... I'm only thinking more and more...

ARGH. ><!

Why am I so indecisive on my own?