In relation to this topic, I must say I love reminiscing, to the point that even while looking back at failures of life it feels enjoyable.
Overhearing mum's talk with my aunt commenting on my relationship status was not comforting. Seems she has mighty expectations of me in that I am not incapable of getting into a relationship, oh dear how she will be disappoitned.
Sorry my fellow readers, but while I am over the whole girl hate/rage phase I have to say it feels as if I was using that as an excuse to shield myself away from this relationship business. At a recent gathering with friends all was going well, jolly jokes and friendly and hilarious doodles all across walls, smashing down american honey and eating lots of chicken wings - life just couldn't be better, until the realisation that there is certain truth pertaining to jokes that people make.
Of notice one of the cartoons someone drew was a troll-face of "forever alone" and some captions of "that guy will never get a girlfriend" So I thought about this: the reason why people joke about certain things is because they intrinsicly believe in the joke's inner truth, but are too afraid of hurting others in saying it.
I asked another friend while in a drunken state why "they" drew things like that, and I was told because they enjoy my reaction towards it. My reaction is: I'm not mad at anyone, I really am - even though I feel sad as it is yet another reminder of one of the areas in life which I failed continuously at.
Certain friends play the "encouraging" card and try to persuade me to go back into "the game" but I gotta say, I've come to understand a few things about my core character and personality that absolutely do not work with the current social state of the dating market.
- I am not an Extrovert - meaning I don't enthusiastically go out of my way to talk to girls at generic places where they get "picked up"
- My appreciation of reviewing the past and immersing myself with reminiscence will keep me firmly stationed at the friend zone and I can't move on
- My firm belief of helping people in need no matter who they are or what benefit/cost it is to me concretely locks me into the role of "sideline guy"
- OK this one's a mystery to me as I don't poke my nose into this topic and it's just purely embarassing to talk about - I don't really share the same urges of the whole "sex" thing, different sources have given me different impressions on how young people operate in relationships relating to sex but I have no idea as I come from the conservative race of Asians.
- I simply can't have extended conversations with poeple over a continuous contact of over 6 or 7 hours. I NEED A BREAK from them. Heh, so much for thinking I'm good at commitment.
- My instinct is to place myself in first priority, dead centre of attention - as such, I probably can't take care of the other half or project that selfless role needed in a relationship
- I always start my meetings with people on a pure and natural friendship - apparently females sort guys out into the potential/friendzone types straight away, which means I'll always been in the friend zone
- I am cheap. and proud of it! - major turn off as I have heard, sorry but this ain't changing because I get enjoyment out of being cheap. I want people to know that however a conundrum exists because I am willing to spend every last dollar and my sweat and blood and dedicate all my time to a person - only if they prove worthy of it and I can be sure of that. I guess the world doesn't work like that. Have to risk losing that money to check whether they are the worthy one, lol.
Some chick friends say all these things (dw I'm not into them so it's not utmost tragic) like "oh you're so nice" and "you're husband material" - honestly all a load of crap lol. They don't know what I am like, how ignorant these females are. All I can give is honesty, moral uptightness, a little bit of humour, complete and utter loyalty (if it ever gets to the stage), financial security, sense of responsibility and duty, family-focused mentality and crazy geek passions. I won't have any height, muscle or fashion sense though.
I looked back at some old archives of what happened last time - I have to say I am so disgusted at myself for what I have done, I was stupid, being an idiot, completely ignorant and unaware of the things as I got blinded hard by my head-over-heels state. Anyways, that's the last we will see of it - sorry to disappoint mum, but I can't guarantee you grandchildren - you'll have to look to your other more useful son for that.
3 comments:
heys, vince.
i quite like reading ya blog posts.
you get your point across clearly =] i guess if you ever had to write essays, the lecturer would love it.
hmmm..as for your dot point list. I see dot point 2nd from the top and 3rd from the last, letting you sit in the singleness camp, (singleness which is not a bad thing either, nor should it be overcelbrated and valued over marriage (which im guilty of)). the rest of ya dot points..well i don't see em all, and its your opinion =P
but it's an area of which im no expert either, but life is good in the sense, if God willing, we can work those things out =]
on the side_
really?!! you can't hack 6hour converstations? you love to talk . maybe i just like to listen =P
take care vince!
thanks for long comment Sandra! read every word of it! lol I have been trying to improve my communication skills to just "cut to the chase" so that's why it is to the point. I realise people don't have that much time so I write as concise as I can - if people genuinely wanted to know more details they will ask!
neways regarding the list, it's just stuff i've been reading on my (long) procrastination breaks. I think it's a little different when you're a Christian, not trying to discriminate - but the whole relationship mechanism works differently from the starting point perspective.
yer i totally agree! Christian perspective is really different, well then again im generalizing, when i say "compared to the world" lol.
I don't think many people these days go out, with the mindset of marriage is down the line, but its more so for fun kinda thing. =/
ahh.. would be a neat convo to have with ya after exams lol!
p.s. said hi to reyan for ya ^^
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